When you move in the flow of life – when you access magick and use intention – you start to see things shift & change around you. You realise that it is YOU who are bringing these effects into the physical world.
And when I realised this, it worried me.
It was a friend who showed me the words of Marianne Williamson: “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us…”
I worried about being that strong – strong enough & powerful enough to make changes in the world. And not just changes in the usual, mundane way. Oh no, I could see the potential for energetic changes too. Heck, maybe I could cause catastrophic weather adjustments!! And in my worried I started to doubt myself, and my intention. I began to think that maybe it was a little arrogant to think that it’s OK for me to bring what I wanted into the world, using magick. I started to think: maybe its not my place to make these changes.
I feared my potential. What I could be. What I could do. What I could create. We all have a deep well of power, will & passion within us, and I was suddenly petrified that I could do big things.
But I’m not the only one.
We all, each one of us, are born with that Divine spark burning at the centre of our beings. Though we may have different skills we bring with us into this life, and different tools we develop as we grow, we are all still beings of pure potential. The life-force of the Divine quite literally sparked us into being. But as we leave childhood, we leave with other voices cutting us down. Voices of well meaning parents, or teachers or friends or family – or even strangers! – who have offered us boundaries to our potential.
And we’ve taken those boundaries on: hook, line & sinker.
Don’t stand out — Don’t be too loud — You look ridiculous, stop it — Why don’t you do things like So-and-so? — If you only you could be more [blah] — No one does that! — Why are you even trying? — STOP THAT!
I see this hesitancy and fear of potential – these boundaries – in others around me. And within myself. I see so many of us expecting ourselves to be bigger & bolder & more magickal … but afraid of that authoritarian voice telling us to stop. And in that stunting of our potential, I wonder if we’re afraid that we might go too far if we were ever able to be that amazing person we know is shining within us. Afraid that we might become that megalomaniac, standing in the penthouse suite, softly stroking our white cats while we contemplate taking over the world.
And there are sooooooooo many movies where the person discovers they have magickal abilities, only to turn to the ‘dark side’.
For me, its taken a long time to first find that powerful potential within me, then acknowledge it, and now try to use it. And you know the first step? Just telling others what I really wanted to say, or asking for what I really needed. I’m talking about that first time you disagree with another person, or you say ‘no’ or when I said to my mum when out shopping: “Yes, that top your holding up for me is beautiful, however it’s not hippy, and it’s not green” and muttering to myself: and maybe you’ve noticed I’ve dressed like this for five frickin’ years!
And after I started expressing myself more (leaning into my true powerful potential) I also went waaaaaaaaaay overboard (not quite screaming, but close in those early years). It became a little like a pendulum swing – first one way, then the other, as I tried to reach the centre, though each swing was less volatile. Sometimes I spoke up for myself, sometimes I was the door mat all over again, and then sometimes the screaming banshee. After a while of practising, I managed to get learn to speak up for myself firmly, concisely and with kind directness. But at first, going against all my upbringing, it was a hard thing and of course I was going to overshoot the mark.
So as you endeavour to grow and change on your spiritual path – as you attempt to reach your full, powerful potential – there will be the possibility that you will be over-the-top, or react badly, or make unhelpful decisions or …… and it’s perfectly ok.
When you see yourself going that little bit too far, or not enough, try to do it differently next time. Be brave and have another go. And remember: you won’t suddenly become the Wicked Witch of the West just because you’re finally speaking up for yourself and what you want in this life.
But how does this speaking up for myself ACTUALLY relate to me reaching my full magickal potential?
Abso-frickin-lutely. Your ability to harness energy and use magick is related to what you believe about yourself, and therefore the amount of power you are able to bring to your magickal intentions.
If, like me, you were a bit of a door mat, then you didn’t believe you should have ANY access to any power, and maybe you didn’t try for any big magick’, because let’s face it – it’s not going to happen to you, right? Doing mundane things like working on your own self-esteem and confidence directly affects your magickal power, because you start to BELIEVE that you can truly make changes (big and small) in your life.
Maybe this ‘work’ looks like doing therapy, or attending workshops, or doing ‘know-yourself’ workbooks. After all, one of the big sayings I hear about in paganism is ‘know yourself’. Understanding why and where you don’t believe in yourself, and how you feel about being ‘powerful’ will help you become more aware and sure of yourself, which will mean more confidence when doing your personal magick.